I'm in Denial... I'm really scared today. I get paralyzed when I'm this frightened. I sit on the bed trying to think of what I'm supposed to do next. I can't seem to remember how to prioritize my to-do list. I'm in denial and I really, really want to stay there... As I was driving around neighborhoods, looking for For Rent signs, my car started to sputter. And cough. And chug. And then, it gasped and died. I coasted up to the side of the road, and sat for about 20 minutes, wondering what I should do. (Duh...) It's always been a work horse, never complaining even though I neglected it, always starting up, always going. So, I didn't cuss at it—I appreciate how little it complained at my blatant neglect—but something deep down told me that this was probably the end of me being able to abuse it with impunity. It seems that there are lots of things that I'm going to have to get used to. But, at least, I didn't cry over it. Copyright © Stephanie Ericsson All Rights Reserved
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Countdown to Homelessness...Day 10...
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Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteI found your blog from twitter @NaiveAbroad (Marcus).
I feel like I have found a fellow traveller reading your posts. You express so well things that I am also experiencing.
I also have angels and jackals. Like you, I see the jackals as something to measure myself against and learn from. And the angels are so dear to me.
I live in Michigan. Like you said, there is no one resource for help. The orgs who make that claim give you a phone number or referral that leaves you navigating a maze that ends in someone's voicemail box. If you are lucky, they call you back. Then you are either told why you do not qualify for help, or someone gives you another phone number. Ad infinitum.
Your writings suggest that you are holding up very well. Keep that positive spirit. Find things to laugh about every day. Find a blessing in every day. You do that well.
I really can't offer you help for any of your requests. All I can tell you is that even in the face of all of these problems, you can find joy in every day. I can't tell you when it gets better. I'm struggling going on 5 years now. But I appreciate every little good thing that happens. So keep that outlook on life.
BTW, at least in my state there is more emergency help available when you are actually homeless than when you tell the state you are going to be homeless. Why they let it get to that point is something I do not understand.
You will get through this and you will become stronger.
Dear Sailhounds,
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way hearing from you. I think you described the whole social services help fiasco exactly as it's been for me. It's come to the point that when I actually talk to a real person who can actually do the job they do, that I want to fall all over them with kisses!
I'm following you back on Twitter. Thanks for your post, it has made me smile today!
Stephanie