The Wind Has Shifted
I made all of the hard calls early in the morning. Most of them turned out to be better than I had expected. My brother said he'd send help. My landlord said we could stay another week. I finally exhaled.
I keep feeling as if I should be doing more-more-more! Yet twice I heard compliments on how much I was doing and it made the calls that ended in a dead-end much less painful. When my ex-fiancé called out of the blue, I was strong enough not to pretend I was glad to hear from him. I won't need to block his number anymore. I doubt he'll risk frost-bite again.
There is a shift happening inside of me...Call it trust. I'm trusting that we'll be OK. My son does not appear to be anxious. I'm not sure if he's just trying not to pressure me, or if he is confident enough in me that he's not losing sleep and doesn't know that I am.
When I checked email, there was a note from an old acquaintance that I'd just reconnected with on Facebook. His son just died, but I didn't know the circumstances until today, when I read the pages that he'd taken over for his son. It was a sudden, tragic and senseless death. Every parents nightmare. The kind that is nearly NOT survivable...and I couldn't hold back my tears.
Yet, in the midst of this avalanche of grief, he made a point to get me a message: he was aware of our circumstances. Call me, he said.
So, I did, prepared to offer my condolences and to listen to him. Instead, he offered us room in his home. We agreed to meet tomorrow to discuss it before he leaves town for two weeks.
It stuns me. I know something of the power of that avalanche from my own experience. It changes you so profoundly that you almost don't recognize you're own reflection in the mirror. So, for him to be able to gaze beyond his own circumstances and notice anyone else's problems is amazing. Then to find the generosity to open his home to two virtual strangers leaves me speechless. Of all the friends and acquaintances who know what is happening in our lives, he has been the only one to offer us shelter.
If I had tried to predict who would have offered help, he would never have entered my mind.
There is a shift in the wind that blows inside of me telling me how little I know.
Angels: 14--Jackals: 5...
Wow.
Copyright 2009 Stephanie Ericsson All Rights Reserved
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
Countdown to Homelessness...the last day
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I stumbled across your blog and have been watching your journey with interest and hope.
ReplyDeleteFinally... the blessed Angels came to your rescue! Just like you, I've found that the Angels will always come to the rescue - it often takes an emergency, but they come through. That's why they are Angels - they support you.
The Jackels, they are the devil! I can't believe the nerve of those damn Jackels to suggest that you look for a job. The nerve, the Gall! Do they realize how hard it is to find a job?! Have they read the newpapers! I have experienced it - I looked for a job last year, filling out two to three applications every week for several months. Then I got an offer - what an insult! The damn Jackel-boss wanted me to work from 7AM to 3PM, Monday through Friday. On the first day of work, I told boss-Jackel that I needed to have the freedom to come and go on my schedule, and work when I wanted to work. He got all pissy and said if I didn't like the schedule I should go elsewhere. What a prick! Not willing to give an inch! I stayed on and mostly kept to the dictated schedule because I needed money. They still fired me after three weeks, accusing me of ruining the products I was assembling. The Jackels had no real proof that I did it either!!!
I won't ever go through "the job thing" again and you shouldn't either. I am now living with my sister, she pays for the food, and my other relatives and friends send me money when I bug them enough (guilt works wonders!). My family and friends will always bail me out! Stephanie, I wish you the very best and remember, have faith, the angels will always hear your call; I'll never work again!!!
Dear Anonymous,
ReplyDeleteAhem...
I publish your comment for the world to see the lengths that some jackals—(not jackels)—will go to in their pursuit of harassing those already harassed.
Your dissembling isn't quite as opaque as you obviously believe. You might have heard of a little thing called a 'cookie'? An ‘IP address’?
But I am delighted that you wrote because you illustrate the misconception that those who are "homelessness" deserve what they get because they are "indolent" (or “lazy” for those who are too indolent to consult their Webster’s) when nothing could be farther than the truth.
The other fallacy that you illustrate so beautifully is that "being dependent on others is a dream-come-true"--when in fact, it is a life that is riddled with the mine-fields of degradation, humiliation and loss of autonomy or privacy.
It takes enormous humility to accept help with any grace. It takes a strong spirit and spirituality to remember one's own worth is not measured by circumstances, which change with the wind, but by honesty, integrity and humility in the face of adversity.
I am so glad that you wrote, so all the world can witness a jackal in action....
Stephanie
Hope things work out for you and the thousands in similar situation.. If it were not for the good graces of my sister, I would be homeless now (in addition to being jobless.) Can you baby sit children in your place-- now or in the next few weeks? It's steady work, and while I know you are qualified to do more (career wise) it seems like a reliable way to make steady, dignified money..
ReplyDeleteGarage sale?
norasweet
ReplyDeletewhen things settle down again, I'll resume taking care of my grandson for my daughter who canonot afford daycare and who works fulltime. It is a joy. Now, it's impossible with this move to ...who knows? You are so sweet to offer solutions--practical ones too. Read today's new blog post, In Praise of Mules. Thank you for the care and your time.
Stephanie