It's Time You Knew

I am willful, arrogant and full of pride.

There is no room at the shelter, they tell me.

At the Family Place, it's first come—first serve, they tell me. If you're there first you get shelter for the night. You can stay there at the center during the day, where you'll get meals, and access to phones, computers, etc. Every night, you will go sleep in a different church. Volunteers from that parish will be there to assist you and stay the night with you.

Why does the thought of that make me angry? Why is the first thought that comes into my head about this (knowing absolutely nothing, btw, about it, since I have never been one of these volunteers...) "Oh, so we're like zoo animals, on display"...?

Because I'm willful, arrogant and full of pride.

A part of me says, "No way. No friggin' way am I going to do that! I'd rather sleep in my car..."

So, I'm a hypocrite. It's all well and good for me when I'm the one who is giving. Hell, I'm in control then. But to be the one in need? This is going to test my humility.

Yet, what about the people who are actually doing this? Are they less than me? Isn't that what I'm really saying by trying to hang on to my pride? Humility does not mean, humiliation, unless I allow it to mean that.

It doesn't mean degradation.

It means: to remain teachable.

Can I find my way to really living this meaning? We shall see.

But I know one thing about life, from years of learning the same damned lesson over and over, being thick-headed... There are times in our lives when the very thing that we least want to do is the very thing that we most need to do.

Dammit...

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