Lost My Voice Now I understand why we don't hear too much from the homeless, themselves. I can't find my voice. I don't want to talk to anyone. I don't want to write. I can't find my voice. Every time I start, I choke up. I never realized how much energy it takes to have no ground. No corner where you belong. It absorbs all my energy. There is no place where I can just BE. Nowhere where I'm not imposing on someone, or doing something illegal. I'm not sure, but I think that sleeping in your car is illegal. I'm terrified that if I sleep in my car, in the middle of the night I'll get a flashlight in my face and a cop who's got nothing else to do that night but harass me. Be arrested for public loitering. I'm scared all the time that I'm infringing on someone's space, or that someone is going to hurt me. If I sleep in my car, will some thugs looking for cheap entertainment find me? I don't sleep well at all because I have no bed. Right now, I'm staying at my daughter's on her couch and it's awful. I wake up with my chronic pain throbbing in all the old familiar places. There's nowhere to go where I can have any privacy. Everything you do when you're homeless is done in public. I'm living out of my car, obsessed with staying clean, but my 'stuff' is scattered all over the place—packed in this box, or that suitcase. I go to the garage where all my 'stuff' is boxed up, and it's even more depressing. What a bunch of crap I've held on to...Only I know that it used to be nice stuff. I keep putting off going to the shelter. I'm really scared to do it. Somehow, going there makes being homeless too REAL. But nothing is going to happen for my son and me until I do. I keep driving by the place, meaning to stop and go in but then I keep driving. This is as much as I can write today. At least it's something. Copyright©2009 Stephanie Ericsson All Rights Reserved
Tuesday, July 28, 2009
It’s Time You Knew
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Remember there is no such thing as homelessness as long as you are on this planet. That's right, the planet is your real home, so relax a bit. Now find yourself a shelter until you can get an apartment or house( your secondary home which is never permanent- think Haiti, New Orleans, etc.) Also, remember we are all in the precarious situation of maintaining shelter however permanent or temporary as it may seem. My point here is to encourage you to see your situation as something less threatening as it may seem ,and, inspire you to not give up. In the face of adversity do not give up your humanity. Continue to reach out to others like yourself so that you can share your sense of dignity and compassion through difficuly times. You will be amazed how your honestly shared reality will be a benefit for yourself and others. Lastly, don't forget that "HOUSElessness" is just around the corner for anybody living in our world today. YOU ARE NEVER ALONE UNLESS YOU CHOOSE TO FEEL THAT WAY!
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