Countdown to Homelessness...Day 8

Don't be surprised...

My car broke down the other day. Figures, I thought, I've neglected it for years and it's been a loyal old mule in spite of that. But, why, of all times, now?

I got to thinking about the way things seem to fall apart all at once. My own personal domino effect as if my life was hitting a point of critical mass—the disintegration takes on a life of its own. I can find a million ways to blame myself—but that's just another way to waste energy. I'm talking about the basic laws of this world—the ones you just can't argue with like gravity—(well, you can argue but you'll lose...)

The particular law I was thinking of is the law of entropy which is that everything is in a constant state of decline into chaos. But, there's a caveat here—another law that says that order is created out of chaos. So basically, everything is always falling apart—you can depend on that with absolute certainty—however—it's also creating order out of the chaos. In fact, order can only be created out of chaos. Are ya following me here? Every gardener knows this—seeds sprout, they grow, they wither, they die, they rot and new seeds are born again.

So, what I was watching happen in my life as it fell apart was the basic law of entropy. But that's all theoretical boloney –I still needed something I could get my arms around so I created a list—

Ten Things That Should Not Surprise You When You're Losing Everything...

1. Don't be surprised when the people you believed you could trust—disappear...
   
2. Don't be surprised when things break—exactly when you need them the most...
   
3. Don't be surprised when your back goes out— just when you have 5 days of packing ahead of you...
   
4. Don't be surprised when your car insurance cancels— the day before you have an accident...
   
5. Don't be surprised when, three months after you've applied for Social Security— their office says it has no record of your application...
   
6. Don't be surprised when you run out of your ADD meds—the day after your shrink has gone to—Fiji—for a month...
   
7. Don't be surprised when, for once in your life, you reach out and actually tell someone you are suicidal—and they call you a selfish bitch...
   
8. Don't be surprised when that person is— your sister...
   
9. Don't be surprised when your fiancé breaks up with you—in a text message: "Drop me a line when you don't have so many problems"...
   
10. Don't be surprised when you tell your friend, (who's worth a gazillion dollars) that you're losing your house and she says—"Wow ...bummer..." and changes the subject...
    

    
    

Maybe you wonder why I had to look at it this way—maybe it's obvious—I needed to survive this decline. By looking at it in this context, I found that old proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. And the result of this serious 'scientific' study of mine?

—this too shall pass...

Ha ha ha ha–ROFLMAO—I'm such a dweeb...!

PS—I wanted to share part of a comment that was posted on my blog because I think she described the process of trying to find help better than I did.

"I feel like I have found a fellow traveler reading your posts....I live in Michigan. Like you said, there is no one resource for help. The orgs who make that claim give you a phone number or referral that leaves you navigating a maze that ends in someone's voicemail box. If you are lucky, they call you back. Then you are either told why you do not qualify for help, or someone gives you another phone number. Ad infinitum.... BTW, at least in my state, there is more emergency help available when you are actually homeless than when you tell the state you are going to be homeless. Why they let it get to that point is something I do not understand."

Her comment helped me. It ordered part of my chaos. I didn't feel like such a freak, and that renewed my depleted energy. Thank you. Keep the comments coming. They're as valuable as cash—(well, almost!)

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