I have not posted for the past couple of days because I've been processing...adjusting to what reality keeps insisting I accept. When my feelings are overwhelming me, it's best that I be alone with them until I can find some balanced perspective.
All Roads Lead To...
All roads lead to the same answer...that we must enter the homeless shelter... I have gone down every path that I could find, and the answer I continue to get is—if we are to receive any assistance, we must be homeless.
Many people warned me that this was most likely to be the case.
From there, I am told, the social workers can help us. From there, we will have access to housing assistance. From there, the influence that I have not been able to exert on the agencies that are moving at a snail's pace will be exercised for me. I suppose it puts us in a different category which has access to resources that we cannot get unless we're desperate. But it seems so illogical and I am trying to fight off a prideful inner voice that can be so depressing—one that wants to convince me that 'they'—(whoever 'they' are)—want us to be reduced to total humiliation. I reserve judgment, for the time-being.
My son is more cynical than I am. He doesn't trust 'the system'... and behind his anger, I can see the fear that he's feeling. He claims to have talked with 'lots of homeless people' who were promised things by the system that never materialized. "And five years later, they're still hanging around the Dorothy Day Center, picking cigarettes up off the sidewalk to smoke..."
I shudder. I realize that I still believe in some greater form of fairness and justice. Some would call that delusion.
I have to do my best to help him process all these changes. We've argued recently—something we never do. But, both of us are reminded that WE are not the enemy. WE must stick together, support each other, cut each other some slack for a time— ergo: forgive those outbreaks of overflowing emotions that don't have anywhere to go.
A job for me would solve nearly everything right now. Yet, that has to be put on the back burner until we're packed up, our stuff moved into storage, and we've landed somewhere.
I'll try to post daily, but if I don't post for a day or so, it's only for the reason I mentioned above.
I feel such gratitude to those of you who've been so compassionate and who have, and continue to follow us in this journey. You are beacons of light in an otherwise dark landscape.
Copyright © 2009 Stephanie Ericsson All Rights Reserved
Sunday, July 5, 2009
It’s Time You Knew
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Hi Stephanie,
ReplyDeleteI read your last blog post. I know it's a thing that hurts your pride. I can't say I've been utterly homeless, but have faced it. If you're like me, you also hurt for the many people in our country who are forced to be completely devastated before help is available. There should be help available before anyone is about to have utilities shut off or face eviction.
What I have been told is what you said in your blog. Until you show up homeless at a shelter, help is elusive. Public or private sources wait until your pride takes a beating to offer solutions. Don't let it get to you. Get the housing, get the assistance, thank them all (even the ones who aren't much help at all) and look at it as a starting point for the rest of your future. Don't look at the people who never find their way back from that. In my experience, there will always be a percentage of those people in our communities. You are not one of those people. You have some fight still left in you.
Don't let these circumstances define who you are. Your situation is temporary. Our government leaders, the corporate policymakers, and many others who influence our economy have created a big part of the domino chain that you describe. I feel like I was set up before I ever purchased a home or received my first credit card. After 9/11 it was the middle class that felt the greatest impact. Fewer jobs, low paying jobs, inflated gasoline prices, higher insurances, higher interest rates, fees on top of fees. Here we were with loan agreements and other contracts we wanted to make good on, and the world is making that harder and harder to do.
Tuesday morning I will be driving to Detroit to apply for food stamps. I receive unemployment (the rate is 15% in Metro Detroit), but it's not enough. I live very modestly, but unemployment wages for me is $225 every 2 weeks. It would be $150 more than that, but my jackal of an ex-husband gets child support for our teenage son. The ex is a grand poobah of aircraft maintenance for a cargo airline. He probably makes $60k+ a year. He knows I'm struggling and have a 10-year-old son at home. He also receives checks for $4k each month as a settlement for an injury in a car accident. He is an unrelenting a-hole. I can't afford an attorney to request a change in support. Yes, there are jackals.
I look forward to your next blog or message. I would have posted this on your blog, but for some reason I'm not able to do that. I've tried a couple of times in the past. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you navigate The System.
Take care Friend,
Lisa
I posted the above comment for Lisa due to a glitch that would not let her post it. Part of my reply is below, (part was private), and if anyone wants the links that can't be posted here *(YOU HEAR THAT BLOGGER???), please let me know.
ReplyDeleteLisa,
OMG, you can't imagine how much your letter means to me. Today, I called the woman at the Family Day Center (I think it's the Dorothy Day Center) who I was told to call. The main shelter is outside St. Paul in Maplewood, and everyone that gets placed there must go through the DD Center.
She told me that the Maplewood shelter was full and 9 families were waiting to get in right now. There at the DD Center, it's first come, first serve. Every day they take in people and every night they take them to a different church to sleep on cots. If I want to get the help I need, I have to go through this system.
My son can stay with his girlfriend but that's 30 mins from the cities. I can stay with my daughter for a night or two, but we've got a really complicated relationship and it's better for ME if I don't...I need to simplify everything.
When I checked mail and found your letter, I'd been surfing the net for Tent Cities. Got your DM about that--but it led me to another this article (it's for MN, but it refers back to the Lisa Ling segment she did on Oprah.) One of the networks it covered was this one called: NSHRC- National Shared Housing Resource Center, and you click on the link for your state. Minnesota led me to this link: homeshare st croix . Both are resources for elderly who need help sharing their house & those who need rental help in exchange for rent or a portion of the rent. It looked really interesting. Wandering around St Paul, with those HUGE houses, I've wondered how people keep them up when they're older if they're not wealthy. Well, I guess someone else thought the same thing!
Back to your letter...Don't let the circumstances define you... hmmm. I really need to hear that. Strange how many 'friends' and even 'family' have been conspicuously silent... I'm not someone who intrudes at all on people, in fact, most of all my troubles have been tackled in the privacy of my own tiny circle of my best friend and me for all these years. So for me to go public with it is really hard!
Soooo, that is why your letter means so much to me. That is why saying, "Don't let this define you" means so much to me!!